Most of the time I’m not even sure why anything happens, or why I make the choices I make, seems that the more I try to quantify and explain things, the more that mystery takes over, and my dark mentalities remain unexplained. I don’t understand most people, confused at how they reach their conclusions so flawlessly, and as if they are truly infallible. Perhaps they are, though I am skeptical. But I realize, I get it, deeper and deeper and how the days pass, and how I live my life: the world is harsh, but so beautiful because nothing stays the same, change is our constant. Things always change, and it won’t always make sense, but it comes down to the suffering and the creativity we are capable of and experience: this is why we are here, to fashion a life for ourselves, and to create. Trying to narrate that internal and external chaos gets so very complicated, but I’ve learned that we have to do our best at life, and give it everything we’ve got. I can’t and won’t understand it, but the understanding begins there. I have no anger for that which eludes me. It is better to remember that human motivation is often as mysterious as the ocean or the universe, but that is okay, perhaps even beautiful. It’s existence in its raw form: you don’t need to know everything.
from Expression of a Universe by Phoenix (notes)
Anguish [