Jolt (from Visions)

I finished my essay collection Visions today. Visions was a collection dedicated to the topic of mental illness and my experiences with mental illness. Check them out, many are on my blog. In the meantime, here is this. Enjoy!

Mania is a good jolt. I don’t fully understand it. But it stings. It hurts. It burns. It’s like pressing the brake of a car and the accelerator at the same time. Burn the damn engine.

It … jolts.

Want to know about my experience yesterday with my mania, with some suicidal ideation?

If you do, you’re in for quite the ride. For a good jolt.

I wasn’t feeling well. I was in a minor depressive state. It had happened because I was thinking about some heavy things, ranging from my sexual orientation and how I really and honestly feel about it all, to my place in the world, to trying to navigate my own emotional baggage. I’d had therapy that day, and I’d discussed some heavy things with my therapist, mostly about my childhood and the trauma I associate with it. I told her about the time…

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