Queer (from Feeling)

In anticipation of Pride 2017, a poem/manifesto.


in this world of world whirlwind
of orthodoxy and patriarchy
is washed whitewashed
in hetero-dominant hetero-oppressive
never homo-friendly or homoerotic

think quick
you’ve gotta be wicked straight
they tell you who to date
never homo-complex or homo-complete
complex complexity erased
even my favorite rock songs
are about hetero glow
never homo
never queer there’s too much to fear
it sears so

I go and drink a few beers

I burn for gay blood gay life gay freedom
I remember my heritage
in this hypocritical age

in my own process
coming out never fully fearless
but I progress never digress or repress
I make it
because we don’t burn homosexuals
at the stake anymore
fucking sinful faggots
where they smear swear fire
where we’ll burn in Hell

so I accepted I’m queer
probably about a year ago forever ago

my life has evolved deeply
and I don’t fear Hell
but I am still sad
for all the gay kids
still in the streets and burning
for church
for God’s creed
the gay kids are angel seed

I’ve internalized all the hell
homophobic slur
I just tell orthodoxy patriarchy
to fuck off
to fuck off and die

I process

queer straight queer
are you straight or gay or do you even know
what do you actually think
about love and sex
if you’re straight it just fucking sucks

and what about all that bullshit
in Putin’s Russia
innocence despaired and love slashed
pain crashed

if they want to tell me
I should fuck off
to really fuck off and die
maybe from HIV or some shit

I’ll respond with a fire
a burning heart of desire
feel pride they want us to hide
and I’ll burn burn bright

of course none of this
is easy
but I don’t care
I feel raw all the time anyway
and I burn as a consequence

I walk amidst chaos
and love it being a fucking fag
what about drag

yes I understand

I want equality
and I see it
more visibility
like when I used to think
everyone was secretly gay
maybe the battle is all
in my own head
between what society dictates
and the raw desires of my own heart

they want us to be perfect
but I don’t care
to care
not anymore

I just want to live my life here
without fear or hate like a dumbass bigot

I just want to tell the truth
even if silence is more comfortable

I would say to be queer
is to free the soul
you become a sexual fiend
a blazing marginalized mastermind of passion

so I kiss truth
sleep with desire again
kindle a soul flare
mind fire

I slowly understand

and it’s okay.


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