Counter Perspectives

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As I have often expressed, life is a complicated affair. There are many reasons for that assessment.

But we work on it. We do what we can. That is all we can do. I have learned through time to be more open to life and its challenges, though I admit that it is very easy for me to get lost in my mind, and focus on too many things that I can’t control to begin with. Obviously this is an understandable instinct, I am trying to solve life, so to speak, I’m trying to understand. But there is a way in which I may not ultimately understand. I’ve tried to accept the gray areas, the unknowns, the confusing details, the disconnections. It has taken time, but I’ve gotten better at it.

It does seem to be part of the way that I think, that my thinking becomes melancholic, and it definitely questions things. But I don’t see this as a bad thing, in most cases, I don’t feel that I overthink things too often, I am just trying to understand the world better.

I do try to understand the world, of course. I try to explore life, and my life, and all of the things around me, science, literature, society: I am determined to try to understand the things around me, even if it seems to be out of my reach sometimes.

There are a lot of things I don’t understand. I have thought recently a lot about incompatible views, when people don’t get along, when people arrive to contradictory or even impossible points of view, and it can be a very difficult thing to have to navigate. I have had conflict with some people in my life, and that has been difficult for me, because part of that conflict seems to come from a deep difference in viewpoints, a wildly separate way of approaching the world. This can be tough to navigate at times.

I have no struggle with diverse points of view, but I get concerned when you aren’t able to reason with people, and to converge on a single point, to things that you might agree on, or at least be able to put aside most of it, in order to move forward. Part of the difficulty with this for me, is that it seems that sometimes you just don’t understand another perspective. With most of my good friends, we are easily able to work out our differences, but there are other people that I have encountered in life. where conflict seems to just be baked into the dynamic. I wouldn’t say that conflict is bad in and of itself, necessarily, but I worry whenever there is no converging point or meeting of the minds, where people aren’t able to understand each other and at least be on the same page. I suppose whether I like it or not, that baffles me.

I have a hard time with the way in which we often moralize. While I wouldn’t say that morality is completely dependent on relative processes, I do think that it is very easy for people in different places in life, to come to vastly different conclusions from either the mainstream or from the people around them. I have thought about my own morality, and how I have not wanted to push it on other people, and how with my art, I have wanted to be open-minded, and think about all the things that I could potentially say and express, without having to explicitly believe it. These questions to me are very important, because I have felt as though it is easy for me to buck up against the mainstream. I have wondered if my thought process is just too different from the norm; to use the phrase of an old friend, I am an intellectual outsider.

Of course I don’t always wish to be an outsider, and I would say that I need to express my own views. But it does seem to me that sometimes part of that incompatibility comes from me personally having a perspective that not everybody understands. My experiences have led me to have such an encounter with the world, as to arrive to my own contradictory views, and it is complicated and confusing that my experiences don’t make sense to many people. I don’t always know what to do with it, but it is certainly something that I think about.

I am hopeful in a lot of ways, though. Even though I am amazed at the strong views and contradictory perspective that seem to exist all around me, and even though I don’t understand most of them, I am hopeful that I can still continue to articulate my vision, in whatever way that means, whether with art, conversation, career, or through my actions. I think that there is value in that. I think there is value in trying to represent and present your best self in the context where it really matters. I suppose I’m hopeful, then, that I feel as though I will be able to express important facts about my life, and that I will be able to express my curiosity and desire to learn and grow.

There are many times where I have no idea what I’m doing. There are many times where I reminisce on too many things that I feel as though I don’t have. There are many times where I make comparisons with others, where I feel lost, where I feel sad. But ultimately, I try to maintain the idea that I’m doing something worthwhile, and even if life messes with me sometimes, it is all in good fun, because there is still much hope, and I shouldn’t forget this. I am amazed at how creativity can be such a life-saving force, because it allows us to express our own point of view, and you also transform the world around you.

We are in the year 2021, and the world has changed a lot over the past decade or so. Politics, society, life, civilization: so many things are different now, even if so many things are also the same. We have been fighting our way through a pandemic for well over a year now, and we are seeing some of the effects of global warming. In Utah alone, we are experiencing heat warnings and a drought. People seem to be more divided socially and ideologically than ever before in some ways, and we are constantly hating social media, and sometimes technology, for its power and grip on society. And many people still argue over capitalism, and it seems sometimes that we reach no converging point or consensus.

There are many other concerns as well. My main point is to focus on how, living in the year 2021, we have to focus on creating value, and doing things that can help the world, even if only a little bit. While it is really confusing to know what to do sometimes, doing something to make the world better seems to be a worthwhile perspective. It’s not easy, it’s not clear, but I see people working on it all the time, and that gives me much hope and optimism.

Of course I don’t have all of the answers, and these are only my reflections and speculations. I can’t necessarily know what to do with the strangeness of reality itself, and of society, and of human beings. I have learned that these things don’t always need to be filtered through such a skeptical lens, that it is okay to accept something on its own terms. And I know that I am doubtful sometimes, which is why I have been trying to work towards a less pessimistic point of view.

While I know that not everybody will always understand my point of view, that of which will sometimes lead to conflict or an incompatibility in the relationship, I’m still hopeful that I can express my best point of view, and that the people that get what I’m trying to say, will find it meaningful, and it will be a step in the right direction to make things better in life, for those we love and those we serve. None of it is easy to deal with, struggling with contradictory viewpoints is very difficult, but I know that I am not going to give up, because I care about articulating something of value and meaning.

It seems to me that there is a way forward, then. It can be difficult sometimes, it can feel as though there is no purpose. But more and more, I continue to build something, construct something. My life’s work, my life project. More and more, I continue to try and make the world better in some small way, and I don’t give up on the things that mean a lot to me and that provide meaning for other people. People understand eventually, and those that won’t, it is okay, because they will be just fine. Part of it for me, then, sees the utility in a charitable attitude towards viewpoints I don’t always understand. To let the world exist as it does, and not force it to converge with your point of view. Believe me, I don’t always like this realization, but I find it to be helpful for at least letting go of things that are out of my control. Conflict is inevitable, and you can’t escape struggle in life. I may encounter ideas that I don’t like or understand, but I will continue to process them. I will continue to move forward.


Enjoy the poem. Find Phoenix at

everything [through]

a strange reality


(an) missed opportunity 

too much

a brave realization

I often forget (I)

I’m not so

readily apparent or ready to read

these strange poems [I compose]

of chance

and all the things

I keep desiring

what I want

is a vague attraction

a hesitation

I move through

my favorite 

words to speak

I speak often

of all these


I see

and imagine

[everything through]

help me to see

deeper meanings

my own creations

all that I desire

help me to understand 

[help—me to see—


I want to see

the truth

but I don’t decide that—

; path


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white blue red favorite shirt


cheap hurt

all the dead words

that we insert 

into our brainwashed minds

existing insane



at all

triple fall

words we speak through the violence

we repeat

thoughts we stop

that we defeat

thoughts we prevent

it’s a constant trick

uptick fake and quick

can’t talk

or exist

or flourish

the same styles we revile

and revamp

recertify and stamp

the same 

harm we cause with 

our own hand 

beat bloody blue bruised dreams and

won’t repent

or repeat

or feel anything 

anything we may block

for being

too off track

another trick

it’ll work it

works and

that hurts

stop me for sport blood


can’t keep track of it

another trick I 

sell out always

want more of it

to feel good

to feel wanted

to want anything I might want

I’m grateful for that

but you missed the point

of my whole words

and free poems

and star theories and 

planet promises like black holes

I wanted something else

something not so 



not so obvious

but still special

to see

a star

or maybe develop a theory 

that could repair

the trauma of our 


thoughts of the galaxies

and entire moralities

to see it all somehow

I wanted more

I wanted more from you

I wanted to be me

I wanted to show you something

I wanted to see the universe

not just bought a dirt cheap shirt but I just repeat myself unsure:

I wanted a trip 

outside of the universe

that we make.

Logic (A Poem)

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E = MC

calculate the risk like in physics



rar(e) w-rong 



deep psychological stuff

not enough

I’ve I 


feel too much of a cutthroat LOGIC

dead code 

code dead


your head around

(un)sound argument 

sad I’ve felt 

I have(

lost nearly everything I ever cared about

good intent-ions

to feel



E-verything and light isn’t squared



id word dead 


believe anything to feel better


a A destruction of Action —


I communicate nothing

getting by with


ounce of pain eON


anyway and unchange

a tornado spinning in my head A UFO


the lie (like)

lost outside symbol-ism cold from

a lack of wisdom—

it might seem similar.. It’s not

too much 

of words we’ve lost.

This poem was about logic but feeling crushed is not logical.


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Enjoy the poem.

I guess I had thought I wasn’t good enough.

Maybe because I have feelings

I don’t understand.

And who understands themselves today?

I try to imagine if I was different.

But I don’t like this.

I guess in that way

I can allow myself.

To be different.

I can tell the truth anyway.

I can be different.

If I’ll be accepted,

or just left in the volatile confusion of

a world that makes me feel

stuck. Cold ice heart frigid.

And yet,

I move forward.

Pick myself up.

I tell myself,

if, maybe a little kiss, anyway,

or anything meaningful,

anything I’ll care about,

I’ll like you, probably,

or instead, I’ll just think of

when I was a kid again,

and didn’t know who I was,

but if it’s possible to fall in love,

I really want to.

If the key is to wait for the truth,

you’ll wait a long time.

Truth is hard.

I don’t communicate

raw emotions

and the monologue of the tormented thoughts,

I’m honest,

and truth is nothing to me

without decency.


It’s like

a kind of sad song you listen to a lot.

A sad scene in a show.

Did you think I’d be someone special,

or was it just

the empty promises

and broken hearts

and sad songs.

I don’t want to freeze myself in such cold loss again,

I’m myself again.

To feel love is a huge responsibility.

I don’t know what it means.

I don’t know what any of it means.

But I will nonetheless 

seek the truth. Honest!

I’m not such a kid anymore.

I’m a man.

Maybe I’d want anything different,

or nothing at all.

To feel love

will still break your heart. Always.

My phrases and sentiments can’t protect me from this.

Yet I move forward.

To love anyway.

Because I need to.

I love myself today.


Enjoy the poem. Find Phoenix at

I derail

thought of (implicit Hell)

made a place

to be and see

to think of no reality 


indifferent or apathetic

risk took

or just another dead spirit




bitter blood

unstable soul

too cold

I invent an entire reality in my head

to break

my own rhythms and my

corrupted systems

trying to imagine

but feeling too much

of my own


sweet words and song that

makes me feel



sweet song 

I can’t philosophize through

my own create


creative lies


want something anyway

without knowing why


bitter blood

feud with

a corrupting flood


guitar chord

thoughts as black as my

false god


the words I want to                           split down the middle


I don’t care

I don’t care anymore

spark of divinity made

to be dark like

the corruption of 

spirited insight

bitter bitter

free flight










sensitive to nothing and

cold spirit and

dead spirited response 

do I say anything again

or just 



never held


and this bitter bitter blood 

sweet song 

a flood

I just want to feel at home


a brutal shade of poem:

I’ve lost track again.